she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
