oh god the rape fog is back!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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