Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
