my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
