You smell like stripper and shame
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
