just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
