Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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