I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He shit in the fireplace
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
