her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
