Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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