...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
