Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
