i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just high enough for therapy.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
