Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
