the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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