peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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