I seem to have left my pride at pride
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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