FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
