You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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