I'd wear matching sweaters with you
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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