hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
