The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
