Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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