she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
