So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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