Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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