she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
