I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
