Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What did we do last night that was yellow?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
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