its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
