Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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