32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
