If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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