i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
