my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
