I just pynch a tree in the face
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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