i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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