Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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