So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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