i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
