I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so explain again why im purple
no
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
