Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
