i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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