and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
this hospital has no fireball
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
