I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i think i just lost a toe
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
