I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
