i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
