considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
