Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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