I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
