then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
