One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
