yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
