Nicole vs. Life
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
