now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
