just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Less talking, more tequila
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
