Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
