It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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