hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
