I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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