If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
