I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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