he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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