I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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