just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
