dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
