I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
