We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it glows. i had to have it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
