So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
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In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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