just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
