Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
